This past weekend, Ryan and I went to our pre-natal class. I am, admittedly, a HUGE wimp when it comes to hospitals, doctors and/or medical procedures. Always have been. I was the kid who passed out while on a 6th grade field trip to a hospital. They had to admit me, and my mom had to drive to the hospital to pick me up. Yup, that's how serious my fear of hospitals is. So, it wasn't a big surprise to me or Ryan when I got slightly anxious during the hospital tour of the birthing suites on Friday night. I think seeing the actual birthing room made it a reality. After the hospital tour, we ended the night with 14 other expecting couples in a class like setting. I didn't feel too worried during the class. However, after we returned home that night the restlessness began. To say I didn't sleep well would probably be an understatement. I don't think I slept AT ALL. I was obsessing about the labor and all that is involved with that. And I, of course, kept going to a negative place thinking about a lot of the worst case scenarios. I must have finally fallen asleep at some point. However, I woke up early Saturday feeling sluggish and drained. We had the second part of our pre-natal class, an 8 hour Saturday class, to get to. So, even though we were both tired, we got ourselves to the early morning class. We settled into our chairs and prepared for the long day ahead. Before that day, I was, honestly, looking forward to the class. I was excited to meet other expectant mums and dads, and I was anticipating learning things I hadn't read about in the books. But, after a couple of hours, I started to be filled with trepidation. I can't say exactly what made me so filled with terror. All I know is that it felt like someone had turned the heater on high. I began sweating profusely, I felt faint, and I couldn't drink water fast enough. I kept looking at Ryan with scared eyes, and he kept rubbing my leg and reassuring me that I was fine. I was far from fine. I was in the middle of a severe panic attack. I was sure that I was going to be the pregnant lady who passed out at the pre-natal class, and that thought wasn't helping my already escalating panic attack. The last 20 minutes before lunch felt like 3 hours. I was glued to my chair for fear that if I stood up I would either pass out or throw up. But, what I really wanted to do was to get myself outside and get fresh air. As soon as we were dismissed for lunch, I hightailed it for the door with Ryan close behind. Once outside in the fresh air, I felt a hundred times better. We walked to Subway for lunch and as we sat there eating our sandwiches, I tried to explain to Ryan how I was feeling. Like I mentioned earlier, I have never been good with hospitals and/or medical procedures and listening to the midwives explain all of the possible worst case scenarios was just too much for me. I was imagining them ALL happening to me, and it made me panic. The funny thing is that none of the information was new to me. I've read about it in the books and on the Ipad apps. So, I'm not sure why it effected me so strongly that morning. In the end, Ryan and I didn't return to the class. I told Ryan that I just couldn't see sitting in the class and panicking for 3 more hours. That is not an ideal situation for me or baby. We had already had the two parts of the class that I was really looking forward to ~ The Hospital Tour and the Non-Pharmaceutical Pain Relief Options. I was so thankful that Ryan didn't make me feel bad about leaving early. Instead, he suggested the we walk along the river and go check out my favorite outdoor market, The Life Style Market in Southbank. After we got home, we took a long nap and recovered from the lack of sleep the night before. When we woke up Ryan and I talked about my anxiety, and he made me feel much better. I realized then that when I was thinking about the hospital and all the pain and panic that will most likely happen that day, I wasn't thinking about the light at the end of the tunnel ~ Our Baby! I wasn't ever getting to the end of the labor process and imagining that I'd be holding our baby in my arms. After this realization, I wrote out of a list of all the positive reasons to welcome labor. Since then, I have felt fantastic. I now welcome labor and say, "Bring it on!"
